The Good, The Bad & The Ugly of 2012

Well, 2012 has come to a close. It has been a year of really wonderful peaks and very dark and sad valleys. This year was very challenging for me both personally and professionally. I’ve been more stressed and depressed in the past twelve months than I ever have been in my life. I have had moments where I have lost hope in everything, moments where I couldn’t get out of bed, moments where the only thing I knew to do was cry…I’ve had moments of joy, pride and celebration. I’ve done and said things this year that I never thought possible. I’ve built relationships with some amazing people. I’ve pushed myself beyond what I thought I was capable of….I decided to make a list of the good, bad and ugly of 2012.

THE GOOD

·         Celebrated my fifth year at BBBS and worked with hundreds of amazing kids & volunteers

·         Lost FORTY pounds

·         Started to LIVE my life

·         Reconnected with an old friend after sixteen years

·         Made new friends (Lindsey, Mel, Jeni, Megyn)

·         Got tattoo #4 – an anchor on my left foot to symbolize hope in the midst of life’s storms

·         Had final touch-ups done on my phoenix – I love her more every day

·         Ran Borgess 5K with Marykay

·         Cheered Jeni and Megyn on in their first half marathon

·         Started to discover how physically strong my body is

·         Got a raise at work

·         Cut my hair into a Mohawk

·         Felt sexy for the first time ever

·         My old boss returned to BBBS and much of my stress left

·         Joined the Hope Project Leadership at The River & made new friends (Tierra, Sheila, Sean, Chris, Deonna & Naomi)

·         My friend Keith had a heart attack in May, had quadruple bypass, and has made a FULL recovery

·         Became Brad’s “beard” :)

·         My Little Sister, Toniesha, graduated from fifth grade

·         Spent a lot of time at the pool with my niece and nephew this summer

·         Deepened my friendship with Linda Marie

·         Was kissed for the first time since 1997

·         Lacey & Sam got engaged and I was asked to be Lacey’s Maid of Honor

·         Auditioned for The Biggest Loser with Kati

·         Made new work friends (Emilie & Lauren)

·         Got to be the instructor for our Cardio Sculpt class at the gym twice

·         Learning to love myself a little bit more every day

THE BAD & THE UGLY

·         My dear friend Jim was diagnosed with liver cancer in April

·         Jim passed away on September 9^th

·         Cindy and the kids moved to California in October

·         Stopped wearing acrylic nails after thirteen years because I just can’t bring myself to walk into another nail salon

·         Joined eharmony for six months. Went on two dates and talked to a handful of other guys. Many interesting stories to tell now. Decided that’s not how I’m meant to meet my husband

·         Celebrated the holidays as a single woman again

·         I’m officially the only single cousin on my dad’s side of the family – that makes for fun conversations at the holidays :/

·         My heart grew bitter toward God

·         Started training for the half marathon, but was injured the first week of training and was down at out for six weeks.

·         Lost my best friend of nineteen years due to a misunderstanding

·         Almost quit my job a half dozen times

·         My dog, Goldie, passed away

·         Got stomach flu twice this year and a sinus infection. Called in sick for the first time in over a decade

·         Lost two awesome co-workers (Keesha & Tammy)

·         My heart breaks a little more every day that I am not a wife and mother

GOALS FOR 2013

·         Reach goal weight of 180 by August 1^st

·         Travel to Ireland for my 35^th birthday

·         Train for and run the Borgess half marathon in May

·         Heal my relationship with God

·         Meet & start dating my future husband

·         Be more adventurous/spontaneous

·         Get an eye exam

·         Get a physical/find a doctor

·         Buy a new car

Before I started this list, I was SURE that the bad and ugly would outweigh the good, but the good list is almost twice as long! It’s amazing what we choose to focus on, what I choose to focus on. I think for me, the bad and ugly this year was deeply devastating and shook me at my core, so it was easier to focus on the pain I was left with instead of focusing on all the little amazing things that were going on around me. So I hope that as I move into 2013, I will remember this and will make a conscious choice to live in the moment and focus on what’s in front of me. To cherish the good, to grieve the bad and ugly and then to let it go and move forward knowing I am stronger.