Friday, January 13, 2012

Confidence

Confidence is defined as being certain; belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities.

Where does confidence come from? Why is it some people have it and some people don't? And why do some people have A LOT of it?

I went out for drinks with a couple friends tonight and as I observed the room, that's what I noticed. There were women in the room who were full of confidence. They talked to others - strangers even - with boldness and were totally sure of who they were. They flirted with men with great ease. They knew who they were and were certain of who they are and what they have to offer. I was in awe as I observed this. And if I'm being honest - pretty envious. I wish I were like that.

I am so much more confident than I was a couple years ago. I really have come a long way. But comparatively, I have a long friggin way to go! I want to be able to look at an attractive man and believe that I can flirt with him and he won't be disgusted by it. I want to be able to get dressed up and KNOW that I'm sexy and beautiful - not just fake it.

So really where does confidence come from? You can't buy it or take a pill or just hope for it. Christy Glas, Ph.D., a sociologist at Utah State University says, "confidence has to do with one’s inner perception of his or her ability to fulfill a particular job or role in society. To be sure, Glass also says that much, if not most, self-confidence is influenced by the world around us. This includes our crazy families, supportive friends and employers (likely falling somewhere between crazy and supportive)–not to mention People magazine and Victoria’s Secret."

That makes sense. My confidence is low because I don't believe I fill the role of beautiful woman in our society. And the world around me (family, friends, media) has affirmed that for me my whole life. So it must mean that people who are confident have been praised growing up and told that they can do anything they set their mind to. They are very lucky people.

I know I can grow to be a more confident person. I can. It will just be a lot of hard work to undo all the past wounds and self-doubt I have been lugging around for the last 33 years.