Thursday, October 31, 2013

I don't know what I don't know...

I love this phrase: "I don't know what I don't know until I know what I didn't know." I find it very clever and cute and so very true. There are so many aspects of my life I can apply this to. It happens almost daily at work. When you work with people, things are always popping up and changing. In regards to my weight loss, there have been so many surprises along the way - amazing things that took me off guard because I simply didn't know. And this has also been true in relationships. How often is there unintentional conflict because we are operating off assumptions or past experiences? I would say, often. And we make assumptions and project the past into our relationships because we simply don't know, until we do. It then becomes this sort of epiphany, we are in awe, pleasantly surprised, and often this light bulb goes off for us. It always makes me happy when I learn something that I didn't know that I didn't know because it makes me less ignorant, allows me to be more intentional, makes my life richer.

There's a song,  "Turning Page" by Sleeping at Last that reminds me of this saying. Here are the lyrics:
I've waited a hundred years.
But I'd wait a million more for you.
Nothing prepared me for
What the privilege of being yours would do.
If I had only felt the warmth within your touch,
If I had only seen how you smile when you blush,
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough,
I would have known what I was living for all along.
What I've been living for.
Your love is my turning page,
Where only the sweetest words remain.
Every kiss is a cursive line,
Every touch is a redefining phrase.
I surrender who I've been for who you are,
For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours,
Well, I would have known what I've been living for all along.
What I've been living for.
Though we're tethered to the story we must tell,
When I saw you, well, I knew we'd tell it well.
With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas.
Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees.
This song does something to me internally every time I hear it. It just rings so true to me and my life right now. (I have wanted to write about my new relationship for a long time, but haven't until now because I wanted his permission first.) I have been dating my boyfriend, Dave, for a little over three months now. Most of you know that I haven't had the best track record when it comes to dating and love and relationships. Up until now, I've seemed to always find guys who were jerks or emotionally unavailable or just not the right guy or selfish or any combination of them. I've always loved harder and longer. And in the end was broken hearted and left wondering if I was ever going to find someone who would make me feel the way I knew I was meant to feel in a relationship - loved, cherished, special, beautiful. And after my last relationship ended, I really was left feeling like I was never going to find someone who really saw me. In May, I decided to give it one last try and joined to see what was out there. I met a few guys, but fairly quickly discovered that they were not the right guy for me. Then in July I received an email from a guy named Dave. I was really excited about the potential from the beginning (after reading his profile and seeing his pictures). And as we communicated with each other, I got even more excited. And then we met. This is always such a crap shoot with online dating because you never really know if the person you're going to meet is really who they say they are online. And lucky for me, he was exactly who he said he was, and then some :). I won't bore you with all of the details from that first date until now, but I will say it's been such a lovely adventure so far. I have been so surprised in so many ways.

When I think of this song, I think of Dave and all the ways I have been surprised by him, our relationship, and the way he makes me feel.  My favorite line of the song is, "Nothing prepared me for what the privilege of being yours would do." To me, that line sums up how I feel about my relationship with Dave. Again, I don't know what I don't know until I know what I didn't know. I had no idea. He makes me feel so lucky and blessed to know him. I feel cherished and cared for and special and treasured and beautiful. It's in the way he looks at me and smiles with his eyes. It's in the way he reaches for my hand when we walk down the street. It's in the way values my intelligence, personality and passions. It's in the way he brushes my hair out of my face. The way he has been so open and honest with me from the beginning. The way we laugh together. The way he allows me to do things for him. I really didn't think I could ever feel this way. I am so glad I was wrong. He and I make a great team and I'm so very excited to see what the future holds for us. We make each other better, and to me, that's what relationships are about.

I am a blessed woman. A happy woman. A richer woman. All because I now know what I didn't know I didn't know :)