Beauty From Ashes

I love this phrase: "I don't know what I don't know until I know what I didn't know." I find it very clever and cute and so very true. There are so many aspects of my life I can apply this to. It happens almost daily at work. When you work with people, things are always popping up and changing. In regards to my weight loss, there have been so many surprises along the way - amazing things that took me off guard because I simply didn't know. And this has also been true in relationships. How often is there unintentional conflict because we are operating off assumptions or past experiences? I would say, often. And we make assumptions and project the past into our relationships because we simply don't know, until we do. It then becomes this sort of epiphany, we are in awe, pleasantly surprised, and often this light bulb goes off for us. It always makes me happy when I learn something that I didn't know that I didn't know because it makes me less ignora

WARNING: This is an unfiltered post. I normally write out my posts on paper and sensor and edit myself a little bit before I post to this lovely little blog. But I'm feeling like I just need to get some things off my chest to reduce the anxiety I'm feeling today. So please read with caution and understand that these are my authentic feelings in this particular moment. This is my current truth (my current truth changes all of the time! lol). I haven't lost weight in four weeks. FOUR weeks. And I know my Facebook status today said that I'm frustrated but okay with that. But if I'm being honest, I'm so not okay with that. And I'm not okay with that for so many reasons. I bust my ass in the gym and out on the streets. I run hard, even when I don't want to! I ran more than twenty miles last week. I ran a nine minute mile last week! I've been pushing myself harder and longer than ever before. My eating hasn't been 100%, but I've been good. I eat

Today marks one year since I started Operation Healthy Stacie. It has been a ride, that's for sure. I can't believe it was 365 days ago that this journey began. On day one, I weighted 269 pounds (twenty pounds lighter than my heaviest weight in 2006). On day one I was lost, broken, afraid and full of doubt. But somewhere in me there was this tiny glimmer of hope - hope for something more, different, new in my life. And so I began this journey believing that it was going to be about losing weight and being healthy. (See the youtube video I posted on day one:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8Zn4RpsFLk ) I had the goal to lost 89 pounds in one year so that I could be a healthy mom some day and to meet my husband (believing no man could love me at 269). The first six months of my journey were quite exciting. The weight seemed to melt off and I hit every goal I set before I needed to. This gave me confidence in myself and helped me to push myself to do more in the gym. I lost fif

Hi. My name is Stacie Brown and I am an emotional eater. For the past forty-six weeks I have been working toward Operation Healthy Stacie. For forty-six weeks I have been counting calories, working out, running, running and running some more. I have been battling internal demons, working on my relationship with food and my relationship with myself. I have had great successes along the way. I met my first two goals in the first six months before I was suppose to meet them. I trained for and completed a half marathon and beat my goal time by four minutes. I cleaned out my closet because I can't wear most of my clothes anymore and got rid of over 100 articles of clothing. I've gotten stronger, more toned, built up my endurance. I can do things with my body that I've never been able to do before. I like myself more and am happier more often than I ever was before. I have felt sexy for the first time in my life. I fit into a size large for the first time. I've also had s

Have you ever done something or wanted something you just knew wasn't good for you? You see it and just know deep down that it's bad for you and is going to hurt you, but you do it anyway because in the immediate it feels good and meeting a need in your life that is lacking? No?!?! Well, me either! Just kidding. This is something I struggle with all the time, EVERY day. Whether it's eating or drinking something I know I shouldn't or sleeping in instead of going to the gym or watching TV shows instead of reading or praying or journaling or doing something active. Or talking to someone I shouldn't be. Or giving my heart to a man who has no business having it in the first place.... And I wonder what it is about me that I do this so often. Why haven't I learned my lesson? Why do I have this struggle? How many times will I have to have regret for doing something I knew was a bad choice from the start? Because even before I do it, my head tells me I shouldn't. M

Well, I’ve made it to the six month mark in Operation Healthy Stacie. Six months! I can’t believe it’s been six months already! Most of the time it feels like I just started this journey. Though there are occasional days where I feel like I’ve been working at this forever! My goal was to lose forty-five pounds by February 1 st (halfway). Well, I lost that PLUS five more pounds! I have lost fifty pounds in six months! That is crazy to me! And after doing my all over measurements, I have lost a total of forty inches! For the first time I can ever remember, I’m in the 210’s. I really have no idea the last time I was this light – middle school maybe? For the first time I can wear tall, sexy boots (my calves were too big before). I went out and bought my first pair of skinny jeans. Ha! I never thought that would happen. And I’m starting to finally see the changes in my body. I’ve felt more energized and stronger for many months. But I haven’t been able to notice my body getting small

Well, 2012 has come to a close. It has been a year of really wonderful peaks and very dark and sad valleys. This year was very challenging for me both personally and professionally. I’ve been more stressed and depressed in the past twelve months than I ever have been in my life. I have had moments where I have lost hope in everything, moments where I couldn’t get out of bed, moments where the only thing I knew to do was cry…I’ve had moments of joy, pride and celebration. I’ve done and said things this year that I never thought possible. I’ve built relationships with some amazing people. I’ve pushed myself beyond what I thought I was capable of….I decided to make a list of the good, bad and ugly of 2012. THE GOOD ·          Celebrated my fifth year at BBBS and worked with hundreds of amazing kids & volunteers ·          Lost FORTY pounds ·          Started to LIVE my life ·          Reconnected with an old friend after sixteen years ·          Made new friends (Linds