Monday, October 22, 2012

Some Thoughts at Thirty-four

Here are some of my thoughts on my body, on love and on life...

My Body
I am learning that I am a work in progress and that includes my body. Just a few months ago, I wouldn't have had anything kind to says in regards to my body. But over the past three months, I am learning to have a different perspective. I like my eyes (most people say they are my best feature), my smile, my teeth, my dimples, my wrists, my collarbone, and my legs. I love how strong my legs are and how they are curvy and voluptuous  strong and getting more toned each week. They helped me run a half marathon. They help me get out my nervous energy by bouncing when I sit :). They take me everywhere I go. They look good in a dress. And my left thigh hosts the most amazing piece of art I've ever seen - my phoenix - that reminds me that I am a new creation! And I don't have to be who I've always been or who others have told me I am or believe what I've always believed. I am new everyday and I get to choose what that looks like! My body is not where I want it to be, but it's getting there. And I will achieve my goal because for the first time in thirty-four years, I love my body. I love my body for what it can do and I don't shame it for not looking the way I or others think it should. I am strong. I am sexy. I am beautiful.

I believe that love is the greatest gift you can give someone. I think that love is found in the details of life/relationships. I believe in soul mates, but that there are only a few people who are lucky enough to actually find them. I believe that love is a choice. I believe that loving someone can be the most glorious and most painful thing a person can do. I think about love all the time. It's something that has eluded me my whole life - romantic love that is. When I love, I love big. I think I'll be an amazing wife and mother someday. I'm truly terrified that I'll never find love, that I'll never become a wife or mother. I think that if that never happens for me, my heart will be permanently broken.

Life is often unfair. Bad things happen. People hurt people. People die too young. Life can be messy. Life can pass us by if we let it. It's easy to put on blinders and find yourself "coasting" through life and just maintaining the status quo. Life is what we choose to make it. Life can be an adventure if we want it to be. Life is much more a world of grey than I'm comfortable with. Life is about the people we meet. It's about learning, growing, building relationships, creating memories. Life is about choosing to live!